Mother May I?
I have been thinking lately about this baby thing. Of course the main thing being why I cannot have one. Last night a new revolation came to me. I might not be cut out to be a good mother. Maybe I don't have what it takes, there are many things about myself that could be construde as disturbing to some people. I have been told both I would make a wonderful mother and on the other hand I have been told that I would not. So last night when this thought came to be I began to analyze it like I do everything.
First and foremost, MONEY. I need to be bringing in some extra money and I am not at this point.
Second, MEDICAL. I have a few medical challenges to over come. The medication I am on for them, I must get off while being pregnant. There is no safe replacement for them. (Note they could also be a cause for not getting pregnant). If off these I could have a major relaps.
Third, MENTAL, I suffer from depression. My whole family does, hell everyone in Idaho I think does too. I have it under control now, but it took a very long time. I would hate to lapse and possibly develop POST PARDON DEPRESSION.
Fourth, FREAK. I am basically a freak. A clean freak, organized freak. Things have to be just right or I freak. I have toned down a lot, but who says I won't get worse. What if I raise my child and I am not satisfied with thier best work? Example, makeing a bed.
Fifth, I am so old fashioned with morals and standards as well as strickness maybe I would drive the kids to insanity.
So I came to a conclution or maybe just excuses. Yes we need some extra money and I am certainly going to get it. I can only try and get off the meds and see what happens. I have tackled depression before and so has my mother, I can tackle it again. I am clean because I want to be, because its healthy, and being organized makes life easier. I am still old fashioned and will always be because it works for us. Plus I know my parents love me and I know Grass loves me. I can do this.
Ps, My mother gave me baby blankets from when I was a baby, so for a little help of good luck I put them in the crib I was given. Maybe it will work. Or I am just fucking sick in the head, shit I knew that, did you all?
First and foremost, MONEY. I need to be bringing in some extra money and I am not at this point.
Second, MEDICAL. I have a few medical challenges to over come. The medication I am on for them, I must get off while being pregnant. There is no safe replacement for them. (Note they could also be a cause for not getting pregnant). If off these I could have a major relaps.
Third, MENTAL, I suffer from depression. My whole family does, hell everyone in Idaho I think does too. I have it under control now, but it took a very long time. I would hate to lapse and possibly develop POST PARDON DEPRESSION.
Fourth, FREAK. I am basically a freak. A clean freak, organized freak. Things have to be just right or I freak. I have toned down a lot, but who says I won't get worse. What if I raise my child and I am not satisfied with thier best work? Example, makeing a bed.
Fifth, I am so old fashioned with morals and standards as well as strickness maybe I would drive the kids to insanity.
So I came to a conclution or maybe just excuses. Yes we need some extra money and I am certainly going to get it. I can only try and get off the meds and see what happens. I have tackled depression before and so has my mother, I can tackle it again. I am clean because I want to be, because its healthy, and being organized makes life easier. I am still old fashioned and will always be because it works for us. Plus I know my parents love me and I know Grass loves me. I can do this.
Ps, My mother gave me baby blankets from when I was a baby, so for a little help of good luck I put them in the crib I was given. Maybe it will work. Or I am just fucking sick in the head, shit I knew that, did you all?
posted by Kinipeli at
1:43 PM
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