New job

I finally got another job. I had two different places call for an interview on the same day. One is for a cook at an assisted living facility. I would work alone in the kitchen for 6 hours a day. So this would defeat the purpose of my last post.
The other job was in a busy fast food but casual eating facility. I would be trained in every area and then move to management if hired because of my credentials. I would be around people and have a rotating shift. Unlike the first job. I would have weekends off sometimes and always be busy doing different things.
Well I got a call from the first job on Wednesday offering me the job. Even though I want the other job to call I took this one because I NEED A JOB and will take anything right about now. I am already miserable but trying my damnest to make the best of it and make a success out of it. I get paid decent too. To me all the money in the world don't make me happy. In addition to the days working, I will have one day off to see Grass. That freaken sucks. I guess it good for him, except for I won't be home for dinner. Also the first 5 minutes I was at my new job, they informed me that there is a ton of DRAMA going on in the kitchen department and hopefully I won't be affected. OMG, I have enough drama at home. Anyhow I will call the other place today after work to see if they have filled the position and if not, I will let them know I will be willing to take less pay to start. I will also let them know how much I want the job.
I don't know what I was thinking when I said I wanted to work at a assisted living home again. I guess I forgot the main reason I hated it. ISOLATION!!!
Wish me luck.

PSSS, for those ppl who are reading my blog, I have a really good friend who is going through alot in his life. He just got reaquainted with a long lost friend who means so much more to him than he could have imagined. This friend of his is not good and needs as many prayers and thoughts as she can get. My friends needs a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and someone to console him, many prayers would help too. God bless you friend!! We love you!!

Eye opening

I have been doing some hard thinking lately. First of all I have to congradulate myself. I have gotten off my seizer medicaton successfully and know how to spot a seizer coming and not freak out. I am able to redirect my thoughts and sneak right past one. Anyhow yea for me. It only took 3 fking years.
OK, so I have come to realize a major reason for my unsuccessful employment history here. First of all I get stressed. I know everyone does. I get over stressed, I let every little thing piss me off, make me wonder and question everything. I just freak out about everything. I don't know how to control it. I know how to control stress at home, with family and friends. Just not in the work place. Once I am stressed my body immediately reacts. I have IBS, anyone who has it know any little kind of stress irritates it. The only difference to being at home with IBS and being at work, is that you can lay down and take PAIN MEDS, and sit on the toilet as long as you want, and in addition take many many baths. Can't take a bath at work, so I can't relax. Can't take pain meds at work, I would be high and I think there is a law about that some where. Anyhow my second reason for unsuccessful employment history is iscolation. Everytime I get a job I feel the need to make friends or at least get along to be polite. The next thing I know is I just fck off. I either judge people, tell them my whole life history, become two faced, or just annoy them or insult them. I just can't keep my mouth shut. I can't just go to work and enjoy it somewhat. I have to become everyones friend. At first I can deal with it all, but after I notice everyone else has friends or even just one buddy, I start to feel horrible. You know the odd one out, the outsider, the out kast, the loner. I hate it, it reminds me of high school. GRRRRRRRRR!! So once I am at this point I get stressed, depressed, and just don't want to be there anymore. Soon I start thinking everyone is against me and make no sense of anything. I blow everything out of porpotion. Or I just give up and quit.
My conclution is I don't want to fail again, and I don't want to be alone. How do I stop this idiot behavior now that I have reconized it? That is the question now. Hmmm I ponder.......

Boise

Back from the state capital. The Jsm needed some time away to visit some family and to do some tech support. He unfortunately had no wheels and requested my accompaniment, I obliged. The furthest I have driven is to Chubbuck. So I knew this would be a slight challenge for me. I concord it pretty well if I do say so myself.
Our trip began at about I'd say 2pm and we pulled into Suz's about sunset. I went with her to watch a dance while Jsm started on the tech support. Got back and had a late dinner and watched some family DVD's. They were pretty awesome. I then rolled out my air mattress and out to dream land I went. Next morning we got up and went for breakfast at ummm can't remember; it’s the Jsm's favorite that's all I remember. Man it was freaken good. We ran a few errons and went to the Co-Op where we had our first Gelato. MMMMMMMMM Yum!!! The Co-Op was freaken awesome, all local farmer’s goods and so many things to look at. We then went to a store that had all kinds of things from all around the world. There was a naked lady carved out of the front of a tree trunk, hand made paper, and lots of Japanese stuff. We decided to take a trip down town to see the Fire Chief (Ok I don't know what position he hold but its fire something), anyhow it was nice to see downtown too. We took a drive to see something on a hill and I had to pull over (heights and cliffs just freak me out) so Suz drove. We didn't get to see much because the gate was closed. Headed back home and made chicken and dumplings. I headed to bed early again. I was up about 4am because my air bed lost air and I didn't want to wake anybody up so I took a shower cleaned up and read a little. We left for lunch for the Panda Express. You know it would have been really good but I just wasn't use to the sauce they used. Anyhow Yumm anyway. We went to a few stores and looked around and then decided to go to Cold Stones because I haven't been. They sing when you tip them, it freaken rocks, and the ice creams not bad either, ok it rocks too. Jsm's and mini me and I went to watch his brother and niece play soccer. I am such a freak, but resourceful!! I decided to take the seats out of my van for us to sit on at the game. COMFORTABLE is all I have to say. We were invited for dinner at yet another place I haven't had the pleasure of dinning at. Golden Corral. OMG!! SOOO good. I had had so much to eat already that day that I only made it to the salad portion. I was so full. But it all looked really good. We got home about 10pm and when I shut my van off, it died. I noticed the dome lights did not come one when I opened the doors, so I tried starting it, NOTHING, battery tested dead, then 2.70 and then 12.30, and then it started again. Long story short, I think my Pass Key is going bad.
Got up about 7am the next morning, cleaned up, packed and was on the road at 11:30am. OMG I was fighting winds like crazy up until Blackfoot. Can you say GIANT TUMBLE WEED ATTACK? Anyhow home safe and sound.

In other family K news..

First of all, I want my flower back on my blog. Damn it!!
Ok, so 2 days ago a big yellow envelope came in the mail. The envelope had no return address on it. It was post marked "Feb 24 Portland, OR." only. Grass's name was on it spelt wrong and it was our old address forwarded here.

So I open it for him (his permission of course). The first page says "Addendum To Serenity Trust of Elephant Butte". As the title.
Then it says ..... The names have been altered for protection.

"Dated this 2nd day of January 2004
J P K 1st successor trustee after spouse, A E E 2nd Trustee
All Real Property is to be sold and net proceeds are to be distributed equally to A K's son, J P K and his daughter, A E E."

Then hightlighted in orange marker is...
"A K's sons M L K and B K K have been disinherited."


WTF is this??? So I look through it and it is a Trust written up for my husband's Dad and Step Mom. The original part is written and notarized March 2001. Then the addendum is written after and dated 02-15-2004. (note this is after the estate was settled for those who know our situation). And then the last page is hand written by his father stating the following...

A & S K's Trust agreement, Open only when both have died.

OMG!!
1st of all who the hell sent it? It wasn't BKK. It wasn't JPK. And it wasn't sent from Arizona so it can't be the father.
2nd, why send it if it is only to be opened at thier death?
3rd, why highlight that certain area?
4th, why no return address, BKK got the same thing in the mail.
5th, who the hell would cut part of thier kids out of thier will and not say why.

Those who know about this and are involved say, we don't care about the money or anyting like that, just why? What did we do that was so wrong?

Anyhow it is freaking creapy, because they are not DEAD yet.

I think I am over it, I have other stuff to worry about.

Ok it has been a few days since the last incident occurred. I believe I have comed down, looked at it in every perspective I can, and believe I can just move on. It's not on my mind constantly anymore. The one thing on my mind is how do I begin to speak to someone I was once so close to again after feeling so much anger and sadness for. Anyone have any suggestions? I know just pick up the phone and open my mouth and start talking about something ridiculous. But there is one thing that still bugs me though, and its not just about this person its about anybody that has made a comment about my intelligence before. I am very sensitive about it. I realize I can be an airhead, as some would say and have blond moments. I can handle a smart ass remark here and there about something I have done that is just blond of me. But there is a part of me that gets hurt and offended, especially when it has to do with my brain. Most of my dear friends and family know that I came inches away from death when I was a teen due to my thyroid. Most of them realize what the effects have done to me. What I don't get is why if they know that my brain is fucked up in many ways, such as I don't read, spell, write, do math, in addition to decision making, comprehension, hearing, seeing, and speech has been affected. I was an "A" student with yes a learning disorder, but I was freaking smart. I am not making excuses for my stupidity in anyway, I am just saying it hurts and I have never said it has before and I am now.
In other news.... My dad found out some info about his job. Apparently another mechanic did something that they accused my father of. They know now he did not do it but want him to take demerits for it. They think he should hold some of the responsibility for something he had no involvement or knowledge of.

fuck i don't need this shit

I had a friend from a long time ago. I was thinking about her. At least I thought she was my friend. I was so stupid to think that. Anyhow I got back in touch with her. We had a mutual friend and thought he could use some cheerring up so I told him I got in touch with her and told him how to get in touch with her. Well after that I was totally ignored by her. She wouldn't talk to me. As soon as she new it was me getting in touch with her all she wanted was information on this mutual friend. She didn't want much to do with me anymore. I noticed she was ignoring me and talking all the time to the other friend. So I made a joke to her about it and she freaked and so did the other friend. To me they can both fuck off as far as I am concerned right now. I feel as though they are selfish and never thought about me. 1. I got in contact with her. I cared enough to think about her. 2. I gave him her info to talk to her. 3. They used me after that. Now the mutual friend is telling everyone shit about me. He never see's anything he does. Fuck that!! Fuck them all. I can accept I offended someone and I can appologize for that. I admit I have done that. Does anyone else admit anything no, they just fucking blame me. Fuck it I have lost respect for them all.

i have no clue what to talk about

Just thought I would blog because I have finshed my banking and have nothing better to do. Except look for a job and I did already. Could have had a job yesterday, but I applied to late. Oh well leave it in the past and move on. I am still waiting for my Dad's test results, havn't heard anything yet, kinda bugging me. Found an old high school friend, that is pretty cool. Been feeling a little down lately. But I am coping. Such is life. Well I have absulutely nothing else to say.

Bye world