2.24.2005
The days are so long
Like I said in other posts mother nature is playing tricks on us. Everything starts to melt and you begin to think life might get easier. For some reason life seems easier when it is NOT winter. Obviously it has more to do with than just winter, life for my husband and I has gotten loney. We have few friends and they are great. There just isn't family. At so many times we had hoped the family would just sink in a hole and never be found. This was of course due to many disagreements that many other families have. There was on the other hand two people we never had issues with (since married), that was his mother and step dad. We always had a great time with them. We could always pick up the phone and call to ask a question we were stumped on, go for coffee, go on an adventure somewhere new or just get together and play cards. There were never silent moments where the conversation just dropped. God I hate that when you or the other person feels intimidated by a conversation. Or your board with it. They always listened and always had something constructive to say about it. We always had something to do with them. Whether it heard cows, attempt to brace a calf leg, build fence, eat some new yummy food, or just take a drive in the country. They weren't afraid of work, or to have a good time. We miss them so dearly and find it so hard to find someone or something to fill in the void they have placed in our hearts. We end up sitting in the house staring out to no where wondering when we will find that again.
Like I said before we have a few friends and some grandparents. And they all have great qualities. Some I feel like I don't amount to much when around them and I get easily offened by others that I just ignore, because I need their friendship. Others the conversation drops or you are reaching and doing everything you can to make things move easily along.
We just want more. The other day we were at a friends house and the conversation is always interesting and intellectual and very hard to end or leave. These people mean so much to us but yet they are not our family and are reminded so often of that. I think if we could we would adopt them. I really don't know if anything today has made sense becaus I have just been babbling about what is rushing through my head.
I don't think anyone reads my blogs anyways.
Like I said before we have a few friends and some grandparents. And they all have great qualities. Some I feel like I don't amount to much when around them and I get easily offened by others that I just ignore, because I need their friendship. Others the conversation drops or you are reaching and doing everything you can to make things move easily along.
We just want more. The other day we were at a friends house and the conversation is always interesting and intellectual and very hard to end or leave. These people mean so much to us but yet they are not our family and are reminded so often of that. I think if we could we would adopt them. I really don't know if anything today has made sense becaus I have just been babbling about what is rushing through my head.
I don't think anyone reads my blogs anyways.
2.19.2005
Catch up
Monday morning I took a walk down the long driveway to get the mail. As I open up my mail box, I see out of the corner of my eye a foot away 5 dogs coming after me. Before I could think of anything one of the dogs was attempting to bite my right leg. It got its mouth on my leg and I was able to shake it off. While I was doing that the sister of that dog was on my right leg with it teeth in me having a snack. The other 3 dogs were circling me. I think ready to have their late breakfast as well. Within seconds the owner of the dogs was yelling and approaching us closer and closer. Soon the dogs backed off. The owner asked me if I was ok. I told him what happened and that I thought I was ok. I wanted to know if they all had their shots, the owner only replied with a mumble. So I decided just to go in the house, I thought it would be ok until the bite started to sting minutes later. I called animal control to ask what the effects would be if a dog with a disease has bitten someone. The lady on the phone insisted I get to the hospital and that it must be reported whether I know they had their shots or not. I decided to go to Community Care. Animal Control took a report and contacted the owners. Later my husband spoke to the owners and cleared everything up and they are paying the bill. I WANT THE MAILBOX MOVED!!!
I spoke to my mother this week as well. I found out my niece of 14 years has begun cutting herself and has been diagnosed with anorexia. I wrote her a letter only 3 weeks ago offering her someone to talk to when she needed someone a far. I then also found out that my father will be getting is MRI Sunday. It took my uncle 6 months to get that test done. So I am stuck thinking 2 things. Either there is just an opening, thanks to god or good luck, or the spot on the x-rays and the other tests scared the specialist so bad that they want him in there immediately. Fuck I don't know what to think, I don't believe my mother would tell me the whole truth for fear I would break down after coming so far in my emotional life.
My mother than also informed me that my Dad has also been suspended from work until future notice for there is a pending investigation on him. They won't tell them what he apparently did. Fuck all my family has is drama.
Then to deal with Grass's side. His grandma has been fighting to keep her house and get repairs done, its a long story. Anyhow her attorney is an idiot. Can you say idiot inside? Anyways he says he doesn't have original copies of stuff that we have seen and then says he does. Ask us to go and ask all these attorney's questions for him and shit. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
Tuesday we get a call from Grass's dad, so I hand the phone to him, he informs him that it is his grandparents 60th anniversary and if we wanted to go? Well we made sure Sharon is not there and that he will not cause problems with us and agree to go. It was civil. Anyhow that's all folks for now. I'm sure there will be more soon.
I spoke to my mother this week as well. I found out my niece of 14 years has begun cutting herself and has been diagnosed with anorexia. I wrote her a letter only 3 weeks ago offering her someone to talk to when she needed someone a far. I then also found out that my father will be getting is MRI Sunday. It took my uncle 6 months to get that test done. So I am stuck thinking 2 things. Either there is just an opening, thanks to god or good luck, or the spot on the x-rays and the other tests scared the specialist so bad that they want him in there immediately. Fuck I don't know what to think, I don't believe my mother would tell me the whole truth for fear I would break down after coming so far in my emotional life.
My mother than also informed me that my Dad has also been suspended from work until future notice for there is a pending investigation on him. They won't tell them what he apparently did. Fuck all my family has is drama.
Then to deal with Grass's side. His grandma has been fighting to keep her house and get repairs done, its a long story. Anyhow her attorney is an idiot. Can you say idiot inside? Anyways he says he doesn't have original copies of stuff that we have seen and then says he does. Ask us to go and ask all these attorney's questions for him and shit. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
Tuesday we get a call from Grass's dad, so I hand the phone to him, he informs him that it is his grandparents 60th anniversary and if we wanted to go? Well we made sure Sharon is not there and that he will not cause problems with us and agree to go. It was civil. Anyhow that's all folks for now. I'm sure there will be more soon.
2.13.2005
Chances are you’ll find me
Somewhere on your road tonight
Seems I always end up drivn’ by
Ever since I’ve known you
It just seems you’re on my way
All the rules of logic don’t apply
I long to see you in the night
Be with you till morning light
I remember clearly
How you looked the night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me
Feel so at ease
I remember all your grace your style
And now you’re all I long to see
You’ve come to mean so much to me
Chances are I’ll see you
Somewhere in my dreams tonight
You’ll e smilin’ like the night we met
Chances are I’ll hold you
And I’ll offer all I have
You’re the only one I can’t forget
Baby you’re the best I’ve ever met
And I’ll be dreamin’ of the future
And hopin’ you’ll be by my side
And in the morning I’ll be longing
For the night
For the night
Somewhere on your road tonight
Seems I always end up drivn’ by
Ever since I’ve known you
It just seems you’re on my way
All the rules of logic don’t apply
I long to see you in the night
Be with you till morning light
I remember clearly
How you looked the night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me
Feel so at ease
I remember all your grace your style
And now you’re all I long to see
You’ve come to mean so much to me
Chances are I’ll see you
Somewhere in my dreams tonight
You’ll e smilin’ like the night we met
Chances are I’ll hold you
And I’ll offer all I have
You’re the only one I can’t forget
Baby you’re the best I’ve ever met
And I’ll be dreamin’ of the future
And hopin’ you’ll be by my side
And in the morning I’ll be longing
For the night
For the night
2.12.2005
Remember When
Money has been tight as I have spoken of before. All I can offer to my husband are some special words on Valentines Day. Not always can I find the words to fully articulate and express my undying love for this man. I found this song a year or so ago and it expresses how I felt when we met, how I feel now, how I want to feel in the future and always!! I love this man and never want to forget a moment of our lives together.
Remember when I was young and so were you
And time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when
Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when
Remember when the sound of little feet was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give up
Remember when
Remember when thirty something seemed old
Now lookin' back, it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are, where we've been Said we'd do it all again
Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when
Remember when
Remember when
Remember when I was young and so were you
And time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when
Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when
Remember when the sound of little feet was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give up
Remember when
Remember when thirty something seemed old
Now lookin' back, it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are, where we've been Said we'd do it all again
Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when
Remember when
Remember when
2.08.2005
Update
Hey all, how was everyone's weekend? Mine was half a blast and the other half I felt like crap.
Thursday we went grocery shopping for ourselves and the wise one. Then came home and Grass slept. He has a had a cold on going now for about a month and a half. Friday I felt sick but then got up and helped Grass shovel the ice and rock hard snow off the other drive way. Saturday we cleaned up the house and was suppose to have a bunch of friends over for dinner and hang out after. We planned on making Navaho taco's for everybody. I made 3 and a half dozen scones and 3 lbs of meat for it and it turned out to just one person coming. I was a little annoyed. After dinner we still had friends from a far drop in and spend sometime, so even though we didn't have a big crowd for dinner we had a good time after. We played a game of cards and OUTBURST. After that the talented Emily sang for us. I got the digital camera out and recorded it all for her. She sounded wonderful. American Idol has nothing on her. :)
Well later that night I felt sick and had pains in my abdomen and went to bed. I woke up to what I could swear was a truck running over me. I tried to get up and couldn't. Tried again and ended up in the spare bathroom hugging the porcelain thrown. We had had planned to get some things done, but it was obvious that I was gonna be either kissing the toilet bowl most of the day or in bed sleeping. Grass got the errons done and I was still sick when he got home. He arrived with JSM and the kids. They were relatively quiet and respectful. Although sometimes I worry about the middle one. I think he eats special mushrooms for the energy he has. The next day I ate again something I found out was the culprit's to my sickness. That shit is going in the garbage!! Anyhow off to a job search.
Thursday we went grocery shopping for ourselves and the wise one. Then came home and Grass slept. He has a had a cold on going now for about a month and a half. Friday I felt sick but then got up and helped Grass shovel the ice and rock hard snow off the other drive way. Saturday we cleaned up the house and was suppose to have a bunch of friends over for dinner and hang out after. We planned on making Navaho taco's for everybody. I made 3 and a half dozen scones and 3 lbs of meat for it and it turned out to just one person coming. I was a little annoyed. After dinner we still had friends from a far drop in and spend sometime, so even though we didn't have a big crowd for dinner we had a good time after. We played a game of cards and OUTBURST. After that the talented Emily sang for us. I got the digital camera out and recorded it all for her. She sounded wonderful. American Idol has nothing on her. :)
Well later that night I felt sick and had pains in my abdomen and went to bed. I woke up to what I could swear was a truck running over me. I tried to get up and couldn't. Tried again and ended up in the spare bathroom hugging the porcelain thrown. We had had planned to get some things done, but it was obvious that I was gonna be either kissing the toilet bowl most of the day or in bed sleeping. Grass got the errons done and I was still sick when he got home. He arrived with JSM and the kids. They were relatively quiet and respectful. Although sometimes I worry about the middle one. I think he eats special mushrooms for the energy he has. The next day I ate again something I found out was the culprit's to my sickness. That shit is going in the garbage!! Anyhow off to a job search.
2.04.2005
Is Spring and Smmer Ever Gonna Get Here?
Oh we are so being teased. The sun is shining and hotter then hell at times but the air is cold and crisp. I look at the snow and think, hmm almost melted. And then I wake up the next morning and more frost, Brrrr. I hate winter. I like it when it is Christmas and the tree are full of snow and then I am done with it. Especially if you don't have snow machines to play with.
I hear birds chirping and the smell of water drippping off the roofs of houses. I get excited and then I realize it is still freaking FEBRUARY. AHHH. Can't take it. I wana go for walk, plant a garden and grass. I wana build the fence for the new horse. (Ok I know I need a job).
Anyhow mother nature is playing with our emotions. No spring in sight.
I hear birds chirping and the smell of water drippping off the roofs of houses. I get excited and then I realize it is still freaking FEBRUARY. AHHH. Can't take it. I wana go for walk, plant a garden and grass. I wana build the fence for the new horse. (Ok I know I need a job).
Anyhow mother nature is playing with our emotions. No spring in sight.